Everything I know about the opposite sex I learned from a 9-year-old

Hats off to little Alex Greven! The 9-year-old from Castle Rock, Colorado, has not only figured out how to successfully talk to the opposite sex, but he’s penned the pamphlet-turned-book How to Talk to Girls to help his fellow boys, er, men figure out how to do the same.

There’s just something very wonderful about a third grader dishing out relationship advice. To his peers nonetheless.

I must say, he has some sage wisdom for not yet hitting puberty, perhaps the reason why his discoveries are so, ahem, innocent.

Among his advice to boys:

a) Comb your hair and don’t wear sweat pants.

b) Control your hyperness (cut down on sugar if necessary).

c) A crush is like a love disease that can drive you mad.

d) It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry, but they are like cars that need a lot of oil.

My favorite? Part of a conversation he had with The Today Show’s Meredith Vieira on Dec. 4.

“Boys, they can’t hold on to girls for a long time,” he told Vieira. “Some boys, they might get the girl to like them at the start of a recess and at the end, the girl dumps them.”

He said boys have to learn to move on when girls dump them.

“Life is hard, move on,” Greven said. “You have to get over it. Otherwise everything just crashes down. They’re all depressed. They don’t play. They spend their time locked up in their room. You have to move on.”

Ah, if only adult relationships worked that way. Maybe we adults make things much harder than they need to be. Or maybe things change once you leave the playground.

Hard to say. All I know is that no matter what age you are, as a male, you can’t go wrong with Alex’s advice to “Listen to your mom: After all, She’s a girl, too.”

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