Help me understand

Today has been a long day of working on work-related things. However, I managed to come across some informative tidbits that everyone should be interested in. They fit two categories: “Things I’m Sad About” and “Things I Don’t Understand.”

First, “Things I’m Sad About.”

1.) I was notified today that my favorite gum of all time, Orbit, contains maltitol, which I recently discovered annoys the bejeebers out of my stomach. Again, HOW CAN SOMETHING SO DELICIOUS BE SO AWFUL TO MY INTESTINES?

2.) It snowed today. The wet, heavy snow that NO ONE likes. It got all up in my face and sloshed all over my tennis shoes. No, you are not allowed to ask me why I wear tennis shoes in the winter. Yes, you should know that my snow boots are in the trunk of my car. You know, in case I get stuck in the snow and can’t push myself out while wearing tennis shoes.

3.) The number of open Wal-Mart registers is NOT proportional to the number of customers present. Slow day? Two aisles. Slammed? Two aisles. Still waiting…

4.) I deactivated my Facebook account for now in an effort to spend my time doing something more productive (and that has fewer stalkerish implications). Impressed? Me too. Unfortunately, Mark Zuckerberg owns everything I left behind fewer than 12 hours ago. Not that I’m counting. Or missing my account…

Next, “Things I Don’t Understand.”

1.) Pope Benedict XVI gave two thumbs up to making a saint of Rev. Damien de Veuster (see image), a 19th-century Belgian priest who ministered to leprosy patients in Hawaii. You can read the story for yourself. The part that intrigues me most (OK, technically the whole Catholicism thing intrigues me) is this line: “In July, Benedict approved a miracle attributed to the priest’s intercession, declaring that a Honolulu woman’s recovery in 1999 from terminal lung cancer was the miracle needed for him to be made a saint.”

First, you must understand the sainthood process, which starts with (a) a very, very Catholic individual being recognized for doing something noteworthy, which leads to (b) beatification and then (c) canonization, which really means (d) sainthoodization.

In order to be beatified, a miracle must be attributed to the candidate’s intercession. de Veuster, who died in 1889, is credited with the 1987 recovery of a nun of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary. She prayed to de Veuster. She got better. A second miracle is needed to be considered for sainthood, and de Veuster earned a second gold star following a woman’s 1999 recovery of terminal lung cancer. She prayed to de Veuster. She got better.

[At this point, I would question whether anyone outside of convent walls even knows who de Veuster is and if nuns’ prayers should count toward the miracle-acquiring process as they have many legs up on praying to “qualified” candidates.]

Interestingly, it took all the way to July 2008 for de Veuster to be credited with the miracle. Sainthood apparently involves a lot of paperwork. And maybe some red tape. “Now tell me again, specifically, which nondescript individual you were praying to, when you noticed your symptoms begin to clear up…”

HERE’S THE INTERESTING PART: I say all that to point out that de Veuster “ministered to” leprosy patients on the remote Kalaupapa peninsula of Molokai Island, where some 8,000 people had been banished amid an epidemic in Hawaii in the 1850s. I’m pretty sure that Molokai Island is the same Molokai Island my brother and his wife honeymooned on in June 2008. de Veuster’s second gold star was awarded in July 2008. Coincidence?

2.) Wal-Mart’s logic.

3.) What could Mark Zuckerberg POSSIBLY want with my Facebook wall posts and photos? Or anyone else’s for that matter? Seriously.

On to tomorrow. Oh look! I even have a few minutes to spare.

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2 thoughts on “Help me understand

  1. Anonymous says:

    Perhaps I should email Pope Benedict XVI and inform him of my sainthood. Oh, he does not have to take my word for it, or even round up some folks who have seen me do a miracle or two. Nope. None of that needed. He simply needs to read about it. I even think he has the book on hand; it is call the Bible. In several passages in clearly states that a follower of Jesus is a saint (and for that matter also a priest). The irony is that Jesus came in part to do away with religion—the system of rituals, the structure of going through an intermediary to talk to God, the sacrificial system, etc.—and it seems we are right back at the same point. I wonder if Jesus walked among us today, would he be as kind to some of our religious intuitions as he was to the Pharisees and Sadducees of His day.

    p.s. I think I will need to find a new saint name, as mine is already taken… perhaps St. Deken would do. I like the sound of that.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Jill, although I say this is anony., it mom. The above anony I did not type, although I totally love it. Also, everything you’ve ever had on Face Book is totally wiped out of the system whether Mark likes it or not. There is non like my God. Mom

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